I’m consciously dropping the act . . . .dropping it all, being fake leads to nothing. . .except for challenges not worth fighting for, crying, not even worth the tears, shallow drawn out conversations about nothing and reality's bite is very clear and painful. This life means nothing at all, unless I have a real battle to fight, a heart to warm and love and respect for myself. This life should be an abundance of new, exciting, exhilarating, terrifying experiences, not just for me though. Those around me, those I love, and those I want to love. You know what else, sometimes we should all be a fool for someone else because they might be worth it, and maybe they are not, but at least we know we gave them a chance at knowing us, we went all in and didn’t hide behind ourselves. Which is what I’ve always done, most people really don’t know me at all, at no fault of their own, completely, and utterly my doing and not always intentional.

However, I am more real, and more myself today then any day in the last ten years of my life and I love that, and I’m so happy to change. I feel a freedom in my life I never remember feeling before. I’m not basing my actions on what others want anymore, you just get me, ha, and if that’s not enough for you, well I just dont care enough to dwell on it anymore.