I cried today, sitting in the bathroom stall all by myself, it was sad! Then I cleaned myself up, grabbed a Kleenex and headed by to my desk to help someone new at work. A quick moment of solace and grief, and my feelings today surprise even me.
I have these wonderful members at work that I always help and they always ask for me. They called me a part of their family and always tell me jokes and we just sit and chat whenever they come in. They are an older couple, and the husband (I cant use any names for privacy reasons) recently had a stroke, but recovered well and he even came in the day he was released from the hospital. I haven't seen them for about a month and a half.
Well today the wife came in, telling me she had bad news, I thought maybe her account went negative or something. I wasn't ready for the news, her husband died and realizing the last time I saw him, he seemed so healthy, such a jokester, gosh, never knowing I wouldn’t see his smile light up a room again. It’s all so sad, I’ve only known these people for like nine months and it took everything in my body not to start crying right there at my desk. I held it together for her sake, she seemed so ok, maybe she knew it was coming? Here she is perfectly calm, married to him for 51 years and here's me, known them for nine months trying not to break down at my desk. It was all I could do, just to rush her and let her know what needed to be done on the accounts to have his name removed.
As soon as she left I had to swiftly walk to the bathroom and give myself a moment. I'm not surprised he passed away, I’m not surprised she came in to tell me, however I am shocked at how upset I am. I know they are wonderful people who are very kind, but I only see them once every month or so, how can I feel so strongly about people I just met? This scares me so much, if I’m this affected by nice people who I’ve known less then a year, what'll happen to me when one of my family members, or a friend passes away? I might literally die of a broken heart.
That you don't simply take this kind of honest and painful experience and break it down to work, numbers, shuffling papers, giving the "Oh I'm so sorry" line with a fake half-frown and poor eye contact - it all shows what kind of person you are. Instead of dying of a broken heart someday, you will live your life with the fullness of a compassionate, caring, and genuine love and appreciation for things large and small, something few people can claim. And that goodness which helps you empathize with those who hurt in moments like these is the same goodness that will carry you through your own difficult times.
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing this.
Love, Hagen.
That's sad. It is interesting how something like this can affect a person. My heart drops and I feel a little bit of that sadness when I know someone was a good person and they pass away, even sometimes if I've never met the person.
ReplyDeleteLosing a friend or family member, especially one who you are close with, is brutal. The thing that makes it easier is hoping (and possibly knowing) that they are in a better place now.