We have all the tools in us, we have strength if we can conjure it, we have our wit, we have friends and family to help us along the way. We can improve ourselves, no matter what mistakes we’ve made, even if we feel we can never pay back people we have hurt or mistakes can never be fixed. We must change ourselves and move forward, don’t be your past, be your future or you’ll never change and you’ll never get new results. A power each of us have over everything in our lives is our ability to smile and choose to be happy no matter what our circumstances are. We cry when we need to, we sulk when there is no other choice but we can’t do this everyday of our lives or we’ll never move on from where were at.

I’ve pretty much spent almost the last year of my life being a person I don’t enjoy that much, my choices don’t make me proud and I’m embarrassed to tell people about certain things I have done. I want to enjoy my memories and I’ve spent a lot of time thinking I don’t deserve to be happy, and thinking my life is over and I’ll never accomplish anything. I mean I’m 27, doing a short sale on my house, have no money, no prospects, no children, no relationship . . .ruined so many things. However, I’ve come to realize the only thing holding me back from living a fulfilling life is me. I am limited by myself and what I think my abilities are. Also, what society expects of a woman and tradition, I've felt roped into all that, guilted really.

I am understanding we all derseve a chance at happiness, no matter what we've done in our lives. No matter what mistakes, no matter if you've done things your ashamed of, you cannot live in that state. I don’t care what people say about me anymore, I’m over that, but I did feel confined by others and what they expect from me and what they perceive my intentions of being. Most of them don’t truly know me, but choose to make a judgment, that’s ok, people do that and I expect it. I just try not to let others perceptions or judgments affect my choices and how I feel and what I know I can do with my life.

I’ve wasted so much precious time, I think we all agree time is flying, faster then I’ve ever known. I refuse to spend more time doing nothing, a couple nights out with friends having drinks, relaxing; enjoying each other’s company is wonderful. However it’s easy for this life style to get out of hand and start to make this a hobby or consistent weekend plan, at least it is for me. I want memories that are meaningful, that I can remember the whole night, haha and that are genuine. I’ve been living a shallow, sad and ridiculous way because I thought I didn’t deserve better, I felt terrible about myself. I thought my life is over, I’ve ruined it and all my friends and relationships along the way, I am a loser and nothing will ever be right again. I am realizing that is completely wrong, my life is not over, it’s just started and I have all the opportunity and chances to do whatever I want, more freedom then I’ve ever had, and I just need to do the work and create new opportunities for myself.

I have all the tools within this little pea brain of mine, to be happy, to be pleased with my decisions and to choose to make everyday a good one and to not let myself make the same mistakes I’ve made in the past, or else history means nothing. I’m gonna lead myself into a new future that I love and instead of being fearful and terrified like I was before, I am excited and elated because this time it’s all going to be different and I deserve to be happy!